After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
