i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
