I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
