in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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