quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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