you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
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