Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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