I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
