Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
