your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
