Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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