Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
