where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
And the cops told us we were all naked.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
