Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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