You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
