that's an acceptable place to lick
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
being pregnant is like rehab
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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