Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
