I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
