If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
