I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
