Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
