none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
