my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Boobs speak an international language.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
