Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Randomize
