some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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