I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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