Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
