evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
