I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
