The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
