ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
