he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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