I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
