well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
