Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
