Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
false alarm, still single
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
