I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
