she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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