i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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