I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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