I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
