I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
