I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize