Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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