I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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