I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The beer is more important than you right now.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
