I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize