Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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