those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
