I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
