AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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