I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
