: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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