If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
