So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
