I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Randomize
