those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
