I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
