as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
