I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
