I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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