I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
