I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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