im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
