Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Randomize
