Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Randomize
