And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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