A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
