I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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