Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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