i'm signing you up for texting rehab
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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