Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
