i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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